Saturday, December 7, 2013

Vulnerability Matters.

Recently, I read through some of my old journals and my old blog posts. I had several strong emotions from that. As I saw how helpless and lost I felt, it made me sad. But as I thought about how I've made such an upward turn, it made me see how awesome God's grace is. When I was at my lowest point this semester, when I hit rock bottom, He was using all of that for His glory. Two months ago, I wrote in my journal "I can't get out of this cycle. I feel like I'm drowning, with weights tied to me hands and feet. I'm struggling for air, and instead I'm inhaling water. I cannot find an escape..."As I struggled through anxiety and depression, it was impossible for me to survive without Him. And I finally clung to Him, and He carried me up and out of that darkness.


Throughout this semester, I have learned about others who have been struggling. In the very last freshman seminar class, we had a time to talk about how God has worked in our lives through the past few months. One of my friends told the class about how he was struggling with depression throughout the semester, but how God was incredibly faithful and pulled him out. I think it's good to be open. You never know when your openness can affect another's life. Vulnerability matters. I found this quote that said "The scars you share become lighthouses for other people who are headed to the same rocks you hit."I want to be open, so that I might give others hope through my trials, and the fact that I overcome them through Christ.


I only have my final exams Monday through Wednesday, and then I'm done with my first semester of college. I can't believe how quickly it passed, but also how much has changed. In these past four months, I have changed in more ways than I have in most of my 18 years. I have cried and wondered where I was going.  I have hit rock bottom and felt hopeless. And in that moment, God reached down and pulled me out of the dark. I have grown so much closer to Him, and have learned to put my trust in Him. Philippians 4:6-9 says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me- practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."


I have found that peace that is promised. And I don't know how I survived without it. But I'm here to tell everyone that I'm living and breathing proof that God is awesome. And He won't leave you drowning. He's always there. Just cry out to Him and He will be faithful to save.